Nights

I don’t sleep much anymore. It’s not that I’m scared of what’s prowling around outside my window—though that’s part of it—it’s more that I’m terrified of missing the moment. I have this irrational feeling that if I look away for just a second, that’s when the ‘big change’ will happen. Like the world is waiting for me to blink so it can transform into something else entirely. I sit in the dark with my laptop, watching the flicker of the streetlights and listening for the sound of the police vans. Every creak of the house feels like a signal. Sleep feels like a luxury I can no longer afford if I want to keep the record honest.